Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
