I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
