Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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