is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
