I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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