i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
