hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
