I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
