So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
