Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
