another moral hangover. fuck.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
