Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
