Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
