we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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