Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
