i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize