Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
