Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
