If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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