either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
