He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
