Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
