xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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