Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
