i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
