idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
