how can u be prego again
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My life is pants optional.
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