Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
