She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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