It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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