it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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