Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's like iHOP with fire
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
