last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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