oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
