I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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