I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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