remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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