i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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