Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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