Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
