I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
