...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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