he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
