Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
