I think my fart just growled at me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
