Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
