Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
