Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My liver just had a heart attack.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
