Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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