I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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