I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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