If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
