Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry about my life...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
