Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
