im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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