after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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