3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
