just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just had sex on a roof
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
