i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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