dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
