listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
