We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
