i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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