I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
