i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
