sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
