Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
