belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
