Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
