I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
