I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
