Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
