Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
