I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
