cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
