theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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