I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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