do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
