from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
