There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
