i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Jerry, you need to find god
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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