Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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