I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize