My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i barfeds in our rink
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
